Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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