how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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