oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
