I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
