Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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