I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
