Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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