Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
