More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
