No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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