I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is the high leading the old right now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
