You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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