i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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