I want you more than these girls want KFC
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
