Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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