two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
