I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
