We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize