haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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