the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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