dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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