OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
