I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
