Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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