so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
