i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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