why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
