the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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