There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
