arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize