Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
