So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
