She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
