your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
