we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
