I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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