i love accidental penises.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
