Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
