Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
