in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
