Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What drink are we having for lunch?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
