just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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