Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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