I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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