This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
