I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
