He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your face is a jimmy john
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
