Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
