its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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