It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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