butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've blown a few things in my day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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