also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
