that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
