when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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