I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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