Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
