there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
