sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize