Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
