That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
