I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize