dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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