Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
