First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
vagina is talking i cant
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize