the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
