I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize