During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
