If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
