Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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