i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
