I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
