When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
