Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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