Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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