I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
