How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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