My nipple is on Facebook.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
