yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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