we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
