im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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