Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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