Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
