My first STD was from a foam party
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize