google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Girls should come with a carfax report
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
