I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize