he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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