i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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