pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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