21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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