Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
