I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
