Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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