I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
