How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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