singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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