he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
