he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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