Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
