dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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