3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
