Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
